Forgive me Father, for I have sinned....

Gluttony is a sin, right? Well I hate to admit, but feel the need to confess, I had quite the gluttonous weekend.

It all started on Thursday when I began to lose myself. I had a 60 minute massage that I thought would recharge my aching body, which it did, for about an hour. I woke up Friday even more sore then I was previously. I think the massage told me just how run down my body was becoming. I attribute most of my soreness and lack of energy not only to the restricted calories, but to my inability to sleep much past 4 a.m. each morning. I barely made it through Friday, emotionally, physically or mentally. I could barely keep myself in an upright position, let alone get through my scheduled workouts. I allowed myself to only do 1 of the 3 planned workouts on Friday thinking that my body just needed some recovery time. By the time Friday evening came around, I was having a complete meltdown. I could no longer tolerate other human beings, let alone my own mind. I had some extra food thinking it would be what I needed to get through this slump. I thought I could recover as I have done on the other days that I slipped up a little. Well, Saturday and Sunday surprisingly started off normal, willpower in tact. By the time my 4th meal came around each day, my willpower was diminished. I ate. And ate. It was a vicious cycle. I couldn't recover. I guess my diet threshold is 11 weeks. Without going into every detail of my "breakdown" I have lived and learned from this past weekend. With 11 days until my first competition, I have a new mindset. My original reasoning behind wanting to do a figure competition was strictly to be able to say that I have completed one. Somewhere along the way, I allowed myself to believe that I had to be the best at this in my first attempt. No, I don't want to go on stage and look like a tool, but I don't want to go on stage feeling completely run down and broken. I have learned a lot so far from this process, and continue to learn everyday from it. I am the hardest person on myself sometimes, as a good amount of people are. I actually feel quite rejuvenated from my actions this weekend. Not that I'm giving myself an excuse to say what happened was ok, but I know now what I need to do to avoid it in the future. Here's to a strong next few weeks.