Team Danielle

Here it is. The final page of the first chapter of my newest project. Its actually a little bitter sweet. I have absolutely developed so much more physical, mental and emotional strength then I thought I was capable of having. They truly are right when they say "willpower is like a muscle, the more you use it the stronger it gets".

I'm so glad to say that my second ever figure competition was 100 times better than my first attempt. I had so much more confidence knowing a little bit more what to expect and having my amazing support system there to cheer me on. I was more excited to see my family for the first time in months, the show was just something that was able to bring us together.

Peak Week #2: After having such a unkind first figure competition, I wanted to give myself a little bit of slack and try and enjoy the last little bit of my figure debut season. My workouts were long, but instead of doing the structured workouts I had planned out for myself, I did whatever my little heart desired! It was awesome to go back to enjoying exercise, the way I have for the last 14 years. I knew there wasn't much I could change with my physique in a week so I decided to use this week to trial a different approach to the diet of peak week. I progressively got lower in carbs for my depletion instead of staying low in carbs for the whole week. I definitely liked this approach much better than the previous week. I also think that I started "carbing up" too soon. My body responds quickly to carbs and since I already had good size on my muscle I don't think I need to fill out that much.

I finished peak week strong. That was what I was more anxious about, was messing up my peak week as I had done the week before and going into my show over thinking what I had done and with such little confidence. I had made the trip up to my dads house on Wednesday to spend some time with him and to get the trip out of the way earlier in the week. Thursday I did some baking, ironically enough when I bake my mind wonders away from eating. I like trying new recipes and developing my own. Of course all of these goodies were clean, but still they were off limits for now. But Thursday was also the first day of carbing up. I am so sensitive when it comes to carbs. The whole start of peak week, when you go low in carbs, I feel great! My body moves well and I don't feel bogged down. As soon as I started adding carbs, I started feeling like scum. Its the surge of glucose running through the body that makes me feel skirmish. Its so strange to me, most people love this part! They get to have solid carb sources that are supposed to provide great energy and mental clarity. But with not being able to workout for the 2 days prior to show (so that your body has time to recover and you don't look swollen on stage) all these extra carbs were just circulating through my body with such fire and with no escape. My body responds to an increase in insulin poorly. The more carbs I eat the hungrier I get. I got through Thursday and made it through Friday decently as well. I started losing my mind just before my family got there Friday evening. I was staying at the hotel near where the show was taking place and I was starting to get anxious. Not necessarily anxious about the show, I knew my family was proud of me and that was most important, but I was getting anxious about all the steps I had to take to get ready the following day. As soon as my family got there, the skies opened up and the world was clear again. One of the voids in my life had been filled and the other void (food) was shortly going to be filled as well. All was well. As I got closer to the end of the week, I slowly stopped having so many cravings. It was like I knew soon enough I would be "allowed" to eat whatever I wanted, but now I actually didn't really want them anymore. I think it was more of the  "you can't eat this" mentality throughout the last 14 weeks that made me really want anything. I was actually just excited to go back to eating enough calories so that my workouts weren't so weak.

I got to the day of the show feeling the best I had in weeks. I actually slept through the night and woke up refreshed. I had breakfast in bed, my eggwhites and oat pancake with peanut butter and jelly!! Started getting ready and headed to the place they were holding the show. Everything about the day went really smooth, unlike the previous week. I got my last coat of spray paint put on, suited up and put my barbie face on. The rest of my family showed up and then it was show time.The show started at 2 and there was no 5 hour break in between prejudging and the night show which made all the difference in the world. My husband helped me get ready back stage, once you glue that bottom part of your suit on, bending over really isn't an option so it was awesome to have him there to hand me things. I went on stage with such confidence. I knew there were big differences between myself and the other girls I was on stage with, but they weren't bad differences. I had the size, which I've known I've had this whole time, and they had the cuts. Last weekend the judges were looking for cuts, but this weekend I overheard a coach tell her girls that these judges were looking for size so I thought I had a chance. I didn't feel bloated or over-carbed, I felt the tightest I have so far. I spent way more time on stage this weekend then I did last weekend, which made me feel like the experience was worth it. I did 2 different categories and so I was on stage for about 6 minutes. Which to many might not seem like a long time, but remember while on stage you have to squeeze and flex every muscle in your body and suck in your belly and smile. To hold those positions for minutes.....exhausting. By the end of the day my lower back was cramped, but it was all worth it. The evening went smooth and I was able to visit with my family throughout the event. I finished 3rd (out of 4) but had learned so much about this sport and about myself that placement didn't matter. It was the experience that nobody would ever be able to take away that mattered. Also, how can you be disappointed when you have a huge cheering squad who all had "Team Danielle" t-shirts that my mother and aunt made (oh, and those birthday party whistle things blowing around).

Through out the week I started developing the plan for my next season. I have learned so much through this experience, and surprised myself here at the end with such desire to continue with it! Even my originally unsure grandmother gave me the thumbs up to keep at it!

So my first real meal post competition: Salad bar, baby back ribs and a toll house cookie pie with vanilla ice cream. I felt absolutely so wrong sitting down to a meal at a restaurant. I have grown so accustomed to this new lifestyle. I knew that I needed to give my body a treat, and since I had been dreaming so frequently for the last 14 weeks of these guilty pleasures I know I needed to let myself have them. I actually didn't really want the dessert, my family was so great and brought me all kinds of sweet treats already, but again I had been dreaming so frequently of such indulgences I thought I should at least let myself see if it was all I remembered. And it wasn't. To my complete shock, sugar wasn't as appealing to my taste buds as much anymore. Now, don't get me wrong, I ate the whole dessert, but it didn't have the satisfaction I thought it would. It was then that I realized, I don't really need these things in my life as often as I had before. I was perfectly content with my clean treats. Now here is the problem. In my opinion, sugar is a socially acceptable drug. As soon as my body had a dose of full on white sugar the insulin spiked and with that follows a drop. Once the insulin drops your body wants more sugar to keep that "high" feeling and the cycle begins. I had a few of my families treats on the hour ride back to my dads house from the show. I knew right then that I had to shower and then go to bed when we got home to avoid eating all of the sweets! My willpower is so much stronger and I know that I will be able to avoid these sugar surges. The feeling is not appealing, especially when you've learned how "clean" you feel when you stick to good healthy food sources.

It is 4 a.m. and I have been up since 3 a.m. working on this post. With all the extra energy I stored up last night from a full dinner and desserts I am ready to hit the gym. This is when I wish I was back home so I could go to my gym, 24/7 FitClub, and hit the treadmill and weights at this time of day. It has been about 5 days since I did a real workout, feels like forever!!  I just looked up the hours to the YMCA here in Malone NY, where my dad lives, and they open at 8. I'm gonna try and get some more sleep, but guess where I"ll be at 8 o'clock this morning!